Accident prone or disaster magnet?

It's laughable now.....

the last 3 days

and the messes

I've gotten myself into!

Unfortunately,

today was no exception!

We'll start with

Thursday.

Bubba's birthday

and

Missionary dinner.

We had a turkey in the freezer that had

worn out it's welcome.....

it was time to go.

I decided to cook it for our missionary 'feast.'

An hour of prep,

4 1/2 hours in the oven,

and 20 minutes before our guests arrive,

I'm hefting the 12 lb. bird from it's

'juices'

and one of the wings falls off!

Yea,

the meat was that tender!

But this wing falls and lands right smack in the

scalding hot juices

which in turn

splatter themselves all over

my humongous belly hovering mere inches away!

ouch!!

My belly button is already completely turned inside/out!

My poor tummy is stretched to capacity

and I go and splash it with

hot turkey juice!!

(and to make matters worse, I couldn't just drop the bird to tend to the belly)

'nuff said!

double ouch!!

Now we go to

Saturday!

We wake up to a rainy, wet, Spring day

and decide to head into Austin

and spend the day letting the lil Norts

run amok

at the mall!

Lil Norts in the car,

Dad making one last run through the house

and I take that ill-fated step out the door!

Picture this....

Left foot hits the wet wooden deck

whilst the right foot is still planted safely inside the door.

Out slides the left,

in stays the right.

My legs are only going to stretch so far

and when I reached that limit....

I fall!

Luckily,

I somehow managed to spin myself so that I land

on my left hip, back and shoulder!

My wrist attempts to break my fall......

but at roughly 200 lbs these days,

it didn't do much but give itself a good sprain!

Right foot is still dutifully planted inside the house

and the most searing pain

was feeling like I had dislocated my right hip!

I swear it felt like I ripped it clear out of the socket!

Somewhat akin to how that turkey wing

got itself ripped right off the bird!

Shoe is broken,

hip bones screaming,

lil wrist is swelling,

and Chris is trying to heft me up and off

the same slippery deck

without dropping me and landing himself in a

similar predicament!

We were a

hot mess....

and all while our three lil ones

watched in wide-eyed horror

from the open car door!

Oh, what a sight!

Now we come to

Sunday!

We arrive to Sunday

with a burned belly,

bruised hip, backside, and shoulder,

and a

slightly swollen wrist.

What can happen on a Sunday?

Let me tell you......

I guess the medical term would be

pregnancy edema,

or what I like to call.....

'sausage fingers'.

All is fine and well,

we're on our way to church

and I find my favorite ring tucked away in my church bag.

It's huge,

it's cool,

and I liked it a lot!

I slip it on

and enjoy the rest of the 10-12 minute drive to church.

A good 3 or 4 minutes into it, however,

I'm feeling this tingly feeling in my hand.

Long story short......

by the time we got to the chapel

the ring was stuck,

my finger was growing by the minute,

and there was no way

on God's green earth that ring was coming off!!

I wasted no time finding one of the many men in our ward that drive

'work trucks'!

Trucks filled with all sorts of

tools and gadgets

that might be able to help me in my dilemma this afternoon.

Brother Goldstein......left his at home.

(For the first time since I've known him.)

Brother Roudebush......couldn't get his to start.

(never happened before, he says)

Brother Tripp.....just happened to take his tools out,

(for some unexplainable reason)

Are you kidding me with this????

Me and my 'sausage fingers' were on our own.

I iced.

Used lotion.

Soap.

Faith.

Gravity.

(Let me tell you, your arm gets awful tired in the 'raised' position)

Finally,

during the 2nd hour

I had an embarrassing number of people

trying to help me with this!

When a pregnant woman

gets a ring as big as this one

stuck on a finger as big as mine,

and your surrounded by these nice

country-folk

'good samaritans'....

let me tell you,

stuff happens!!

They were gonna get it off!

And

they did.

But as I sit and type this.....

almost 12 hours later,

I swear I can still feel the pulsating!

I hope it's

true what they say.....

bad things happen in

3's!

Because I'm done!

Burned belly.

Crash-landing.

Sausage finger mayhem.

No more!